Long Time No See

I think Im coming Back.
I'll be writing on here sometimes more often now actually.
I need a place to express my emotions.
Or I might just break down.

-J

If only you would notice, how I ache behind my smile.

If only you could know
The things I long to say
If only I could tell you
What i wish i could convey
It's in my every glance
My heart's an open book
You'd see it all at onceIf only you would look....

I want to tell you things only you would understand.
I want to tell you what goes on in my head when no one else understands.
I want to be in a place where I belong.
Nothings ever right here anymore.
I dont fit in.
But maybe if you were here, you would


Maybe if you would stop thinking about yourself it would be ok.
Maybe if you think about helping someone else.
Maybe if you would rather be together.
Maybe if you thought about me.

Im not good at anything.
My dreams are crushing.
The love is dying.
Im giving up hope, so Im going to stop trying

If only you could glimpse
The feeling that I feel
If only you would notice
What I'm dying to reveal
The dreams I can't declare
The needs I can't deny
You'd understand them all
If only you would try



S
a
v
e
M
e
!

Speak Your Truth.

Why do so many teenagers feel the need to use Labels? Labels have created many problems in the teenage world. The materialistic society we live in today, has made us care more about what others think instead of our own opinions. Being labeled a Goth, Prep, Disney Freak, Thespian, Gangsta, Skater, Emo, Jock, and Nerd have caused unnecessary drama and confusion in our teenage world today. The labels they name us, reflect our interests. Not all are false, but the names are still hurtful. Being named for reasons such as; the clothes you wear, the friends you have, the place you live in, or even for the interests you have is unfair and causes teenagers to lack individuality. Being an individual is difficult do to the pressure of a highly influential teenage world.

From middle school to high school the barriers and social statuses of our lives are changed due to labels. From being best friends with a Jock, you can be removed from their social status to being in the Emo clique. Just because you wear, a black band t-shirt. But then if you wear too much black you can be moved into the Goth crowd. Labels have ruined some of the best friendships teenagers could have. Of course, there are still the friendships through opposing cliques, but it is frowned upon in today’s teenage society. The friendships that survive through the labels, are of people who don’t conform with the norm.

The teenagers that go against the grain, and follow the beat of there own drummer, are the transcendentalists of today’s teenage world. People, who feel the need to run our lives with materialistic labels, need a reality check. Just because someone doesn’t own Playstation 3 or that $500 Coach bag doesn’t mean they don’t have a great life. I think you should live your life to the fullest and don’t worry about anything else. Forget the labels that the teenage world creates to keep us grounded. Our lives should be what we want and nothing should come between you and your dreams. Whether it’s the labels of today’s world , or the influence of others opinions on you don’t change yourself just to fit in.

"reach for the moon, because even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars"

The Stage

The lights go on.
There heat coming down on me.
Then I step out from the wing,
I say my first line,
and I'm free.

The seats are empty.
Not to my Suprise.
My friends are behind me.
Our nerves are all shot.
We're all trying to impress the 3 pairs of onlooking eyes.

Their looking.
Their watching.
With nothing more but a blink.
My lines coming up.
Crap!
I shouldn't need to think.

I nail it.
I'm fine.
It was only just nerves.
But wait,
We need to dance.
She had told us to make smoother curves.

The dust from the curtain still appears on the stage,
As I finish the words I've memorized from the page.

I go off with a smile,
To my friends back in the wing.
The audience of three call us back out.
To congratulate us and say
Your all great, with no doubt.

I don't know why we've stressed out so much.
I mean its just a rehearsal,
The shows in 2 months.

The Day The World Stood Still

Journal....

Christmas is sooooo Soon.
I dunno why but I cant wait till Christmas break.
I can't wait just for the time to be with my family.


Lately it feels like the world is on my shoulders.
That everything is just piling up and up and up.
I need a nice break.
Thats not happening any time soon though.

This weekend? I think I am painting a Xmas Charlie Brown scene.
Then on Sunday I have the Gift Auction for the Junior Class.
After The Weekend.
That means only 4 days till OOTI workshop.
I can't wait but Im uber nervous for the show and the cast list.
Who Knows?

I think I need to actually sit down and write.
I have a kinda on going story in my actual "Journal" for this class.
But Its kinda scattered and I dunno what things should be where.
I think The transitions need to work better.
And Maybe I can mix things around.
Or maybe Ill start working on a character for the Story
Kristen, Allison, Sherri, and I are starting.
Maybe?
But I need a good source of Inspiration.


I Dunno whats going on though.
I think I want to go visit my LeadAmerica Friends.
In Texas and Mississippi.
And Philly.
I dunno I need to Escape this horrible place for a while.


See Me
Watch Me
Talk to Me
Join Me
Be with Me
Describe Me
Intrest Me......

My "Funk" is You!

So I am currently in a "funk" if you'd like to call it that.
I don't know whats going on with me.
I just seem to not be myself.
I've narrowed it down to a few different idea's on WHY?
But I still don't feel like myself when I change them.

Love.

I don't see why I consider this reason to my funk.
I Have an amazing Family.
That Loves me.
I have a bunch of Friends, who I never see.
But always talk to. We always end our conversations with;
I love you.
But Yet...
I Have no Relationship going on with anyone..
None of my REAL friends live near me....
Only The Backstabbers and liars do....
My Hearts been broken to many times.....

School

I Think I've just taken so much on my plate with things.
I have so much going for me.
Yet...
I feel swamped at very turn...
My Art teacher even realizes Im not myself....

Friends/Family.

I Have this girl who is just like my sister.
She is why Im still here today.
My Parents are Amazing.
People say they are always there for me.
Yet...
When I ask for there help or there opinions I get nothing...
My bestfriend lives miles away in Texas....
I feel like I can never do enough.

Over the past few weeks I've realized who I need the most in my life.
Someone I thought once ment the world to me, well now that person can be equivalent to dirt.
I Think I need a break from this town...
This Life....
These People.

I hope I get out fo this "Funk".
I've been told just sit back.
Enjoy the ride, and take in the veiw.
But I can't I need to know whats going on with my life.


Wishing
Hoping
Hurting
Healing

Feeling
Breathing
Seeing
Being.

The Final Hoo-Ra

The “Last” Creative Writing Story. : [

I grasped her hand as we walked up the subway stations stairs. The noises coming from all around us, seeming to engulfing the atmosphere around us. A man screaming, a fire truck’s siren going off from the next street over, as well as the police cars siren squealing where we belonged. New York City.

“J. Can you believe it? We made it, into the town of our dreams. The great white way.!” Brandy exclaimed as we made our way down forty-second street, and into the heart of times square. She could hardly contain her excitement, if my hand wasn’t attached to her, she would most likely be jumping up and down.

“It’s not like we haven’t been here before, Brandy. We are only here for you to see the theater for Midnight Madness. It’s not like we one here for good.” I said dragging her along the street.

“Don’t crush my hopes and dream J.” she said playfully.

“I’m not, I’m just letting you know that we are here to see the theater. You won’t officially be here for another year, maybe even too.” I continued as we walked along.

Smiling we walked along the street. Looking as if we were a couple instead of two best friends.

“So Last time we were here together we saw Spring Awakening. It was amazing, remember?” I asked Brandy as we turned onto, forty-ninth street.

“Ya.Ya. LOOK! It’s the theater.” Brandy said as she began running to the middle of the street. Grabbing my hand I almost lost balance as we headed down the street. “We’re here. The future home of Midnight Madness!” she shouted jumping up and down. People began to look at us as if Brandy had lost her mind.

“I don’t know you” I said sarcastically, as I turned a way from you.

“Oh, Shut it.” She said as she grabbed my hand. “We made it!”

“You made it.” I said correcting her.